He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
