Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
