I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
