We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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