Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
