found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
