4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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