Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
