im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
