there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
