i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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