He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
