I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
