At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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