Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
