I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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