Whod you bang
i would punch a child for taco bell
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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