I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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