you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
