I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize