So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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