i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
