I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
