I bet he comes in French.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
