just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
