No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i will never coherently bang her
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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