dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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