my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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