I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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