apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
