He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
