Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
