Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
