Sponge bath it is.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
