Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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