Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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