god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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