I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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