sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
