i just google imaged poop.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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