I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
