wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
