Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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