Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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