We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
