Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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