Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
