This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
