Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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