Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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