she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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