Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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