oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
