none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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