Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
