I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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